Failure

I have not failed. I’ve found a thousand ways that won’t work ~Thomas Edison. We learn from trial and error. We become wise by understanding and working through problems. Our mistakes don’t define us, they create us and correct us, making us change for the better. I hate to say “been there done that”, but by the time you’re almost 40, I would have hoped one would have collected a fair amount of life experience. I’m not ashamed of the ton of error I’ve accomplished in my life. Wrong paths, difficult choices, and challenges have made me who I am today. I wasn’t easily built, I was difficultly built and it made me a complex, sensitive, empathetic, and driven person. People who don’t settle and don’t give up are not easily broken. They face challenges as opportunities to learn and better themselves. I tend to be a fixer, and can recognize when something isn’t working to my satisfaction and needs change. I am always  willing to do research and find a better way. I do however tend to take the scenic route when problem solving. (I guess I need time for things to set in.)

I spent a good 25 years trying to find peace with my health. I was bulimic, but a great athlete in high school (top left, weighing about 140 pounds), playing soccer, running track, and swimming. I still have one of my 5 records standing at my high school. Then I was an anorexic cardio bunny and cigarette smoker (top right weighing 110 pounds). Bottom left is me pregnant with Anna, unable to exercise without having contractions, so I stopped all together, and gained 50 pounds with the pregnancy. (173 pounds) Bottom right was my last competition in 2014 where I dieted down to 119 pounds, doing only a little hiit cardio at the end to step on stage at Jr. Nationals, and still consuming a healthy 1800 calories all the way through the end of peak week.

People often wonder how I changed. Well, you have to decide you aren’t afraid to give up what isn’t working for you, and risk something that might. Then you have to see it out, deciding that the old is, and no longer will be an option anymore. It’s simple, it’s not easy. But, every time to take a risk you learn and you grow, and you become better. I’m definitely an not done yet, because there’s always new to learn and apply.  But, the journey is exciting, the process is enjoyable, and I am at a place where I am able to comfortably live in the moment while seeing the future, instead of just wishing for better days.

Don’t live in someday. If you’re unhappy, seek change. Do your research and find your answers, I promise you they are out there. Change begins with you, and happiness begins the moment you start, not when you get there.  That’s the place you want to find yourself: happy but always striving for more. Because there’s always more, and you deserve it all.